To Annoy
by SimplyEdible
Summary: How to Annoy the cast of Naruto. I know there's been loads of these done, thought i'd try my hand at it. Request who you want done next. May contain spoilers for those not up-to-date with the Manga.
1. Sasori

**Ok, here we go!**

**Disclaimer (This goes for the rest of my chapters): I do not own Naruto�**

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**Sasori**

Ask how many tree's he sacrificed to make his puppets

Ask if he has woodlice

Insult Art

Tell him Deidara's art is better

Ask him if he prefers Barbie or ken

Tell him action man is better

Say that guys shouldn't play with dolls at his age

Ask if he's ever gotten laid

Ask if he gets morning wood

Start to chisel bits off of him

Tell him you think puppets are stupid

Ask if he is a ventriloquist 

If he answers yes, ask if he can make his 'puppet' talk

Set him alight

Suggest to the other Akatsuki members that they use him as firewood

Ask if he fancies Deidara

Ask if his mother was an oak tree

Ask if a dog has ever peed on him

If not, get one to.

Ask if he's seen Chucky

Ask if you can pull his strings

Try to detach his body parts

If successful with the above, replace those parts with parts from Barbie

Tell him you prefer sock puppets


	2. Itachi

**Itachi**

Tell him Kisame is prettier

Tell him he's getting old

Ask him if he uses herbal essences

Tell him to go to specsavers

Call him Itachi-chan

Talk about Sasuke consistently

Hand him a weasel and say "See, you didn't kill ALL your family!"

Stop and introduce yourself to every weasel and ask if they know Itachi

Ask what shampoo he uses

Tell the other Akatsuki members that he has a bad guy fetish

Give him a guide dog as a present

Get him a Zimmer-frame with reversing lights

Tell him Orochimaru has naked pictures of him

Show his baby pictures to the rest of Akatsuki

Ask why he's always trying to kidnap an underage blonde boy

Tell him his hair looks ridiculous

Dye all of his clothes pink, blaming it on Kisame of course

Ask if he's a hippy

Refer to him as "That prissy dude"

Lick his cheek

Say "Believe it!" every time he moves

Ask him what straighteners he uses

Dribble on him

Stay no more than one step away from him at all times

Do all of the above while dressed at Sasuke


	3. Kisame

**Kisame**

Make him shark fin soup

Ask him if he knows the smurfs

Stare at him for several hours, then scream "JAWS" while pointing at him

Ask out loud why it smells like fish

Ask if he realises that he is blue

Ask WHY he's blue

Tell him you thought Jaws was scarier

Tell him Itachi hates him

Ask if he compensating for something with that sword of his

Ask if he uses his sword as a shaver

Tell him he looks ridiculous

Ask if he can swim

Ask if he's seen Nemo

Ask if he starred in Nemo

Say how jellyfish are so much cooler than sharks

Say how most marine life are better than sharks, even starfish

Tell him his eyes are stupid

Paint him pink

Tell him blue doesn't suit him


	4. Neji

**Neji**

Ask him where he got that cool 'X' tattoo from

Ask if you can play with his hair

Give him pretty hair clips and scrunches as a Birthday present

Tell him Lee's hair is cooler

Scream about Youth

Ask if he's gay

Ask if he's blind

Poke him in the eye

Ask if he wears underwear under his robe

Tell him his hairs greasy

Ask him what shampoo he uses

Accuse him of stealing your conditioner

Laugh at his 'fate' crap

Remind him that Naruto owned him in the chunin exams

Ask if he's ever peaked on Tenten with his Byakugan

Ask if he's used it on Hinata

Ask if he's used it on Lee and Gai

Ask if you can play X's and O's on his face

Ask if he has buried treasure in him

When he denies it, exclaim that X marks the spot

Talk to him

Walk with him

Look at him

Poke him

Lick him


	5. Sasuke

**Sasuke**

Tell him you're a fan girl

Tell him you're a fan **boy**

Ask about his family

Tell him Hyuuga's are better

Tell him Itachi is hotter

Ask if he's Emo

Dye his hair blonde

Constantly compare him to Itachi

Ask if he's gay

Give him a pet weasel

Spread the rumour that he only went to Orochimaru for the sex

Eat all of his tomato's

Tell him Naruto's hotter

And cooler

And stronger

And just totally better than him

Tell him he's to gay to 'revive his clan'

Ask is he saw Orochimaru's 'Snake'

Ask if his sword compensates for something

Talk to him

Walk with him

Be around him

Be alive

Call him chicken-butt


	6. Deidara

**Deidara**

Make conversation with his hands

Make out with his hands

Tell Tobi to do the above

Tell him Sasori's art is better

Tell him art sucks

Call him a girl

Ask if he's a girl

Ask if he uses his hand mouths to pleasure himself

Call him a freak

Tell him Tobi is cooler

And hotter

And just plain better than him

Cut his hair

Dye his hair black

After the above, glue a mask like Tobi's to his face

Tell Tobi that he was Deidara's inspiration

Lock him in a room with Tobi

Hide his clay

Replace his clay with cookie dough

Tell him Akatsuki only hired him to even out the male/female balance in the team 


	7. Kakashi

**Kakashi**

Call him a wannabe Uchiha

Burn his precious book

Tell him Icha Icha paradise is no longer being made

Dye all his masks green to match Gai's spandex

Tell Gai that Kakashi always loved a man in spandex

Call him old

Give**him** 1000 years of pain

Tell him Iruka is way cooler than him

Write "Believe it" on every page of his little porn book

Copy his every move, when he asks what your doing, laugh and say "Ha, I can copy without the Sharingan, it's not hard jeez."

Tell him Naruto has way more fan girls than him

Tell him Iruka has way more fan girls than him

Tell him **Sakura** has way more fan girls than him

Ask if you can buy him for half price, since he only has one Sharingan eye

Tell him his masks ridiculous

Burn every mask in Konoha

Tie him up while he's asleep and dress him in a bunny suit

Poke him in his one normal eye

Tell him he's not really as cool as he thinks he is

Laugh and say you think Gai is cooler

Tell Chouji that Kakashi called him fat

Tell Gai that Kakashi was looking for him

Spread the rumour that he only wears his mask because he dribbles so much

Tell him his voice in the English dub makes him sound constipated

Tell him that Squirrels are more intimidating than him

Dye his hair pink and tell Sakura that Kakashi wants Sasuke for himself

Tell Naruto that Kakashi hates Ramen

Point out that both he and Orochimaru seemed to favour Sasuke in terms of "Training". While pointing out that the clothing he made Sasuke wear after he had trained him was just pure bondage material, almost as bad as that skimpy thing Orochimaru has him wearing.

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**Hey guys, please request who you want me to annoy next!**


	8. Naruto

**Naruto**

Every time he talks to you say "The futures bright, the futures orange."

Say "Dattebayo bitch" while burning something orange

Tell him there is no such colour as orange

Insult Ramen

Insult the colour Orange

Tell him Sasuke is way better than him

Casually drop in to the conversation the fact that he seems obsessed on getting Sasuke back a bit too much

When he uses the excuse that he's his 'brother' point out the fact that Sasuke ditched him for a Michael Jackson wannabe

Tell him Itachi doesn't really want the Kyuubi, he wants his babies

Tell him Iruka always preferred Sasuke

Tell him the girl at the waterfall was really Sasuke.

Tell him Sakura's hair isn't naturally pink

Dye his hair black

Dye all of his clothes black

Burn down Ichiraku's

Tell him he can't become a Hokage because Hokage's aren't allowed to wear orange

Tell him Hinata uses her Byakugan to perve on him

Tell him **Neji** uses his Byakugan to perve on him

Inform him that Shadow clone jutsu is an overrated jutsu

Give him an IQ test

Tell him Snake's are better than Frogs

Tell him the Kyuubi watches him Pee

Ask if he's seen Sasuke lately

Tell him he looks more ridiculous than Gai

Laugh at him because he's still a gennin

Graffiti his forehead protector with 'I love Emo's' 'Sasuke's #1 fan' etc.

Ban Dattebayo from the Japanese language

Force him to watch the english dubbed series of Naruto, making sure to replay every god damned "Believe it" that is said.

Tell him the care bears took Sasuke away, and they are never going to give him back

Tell him that Tsunade tastes like ramen and see how far he gets

Inform him that Tsunade's sake is Ramen flavoured


	9. Orochimaru

**Orochimaru**

Tell him Sasuke's not a virgin

Tell him Sasuke's a girl

Ask him if Kabuto helps him shower

Tell him Jiraiya's way cooler than him

Tell him Itachi could kick his ass any day

Laugh at him because he was obviously too gay for Akatsuki, and that's saying something since they have Deidara 

Tell him his mascara's smudged

Show him naked pictures of a woman

Show him naked pictures of Jiraiya

Tell him the 3rd only lost because he had a headache

Show him naked pictures of the 3rd

Ask him what he plans on doing once Sasuke's body wears out… he didn't think about that did he! 

Ask him if he's bulimic

Ask is he's compensating for something with all those snakes

Tell him he looks like a joke

Say clowns scare you more than he does 

Tell him his so called 'fear factor' doesn't help when he has to regurgitate himself every damn second

Tell him he looks more like a 'Margaret' than an 'Orochimaru'

Tell him his names just plain stupid

Tell him Kabuto should be the big bad guy, not him

Inform him that he has absolutely no sex factor at all.

Hiss like a snake every time he moves

Get a rattle and rattle it every time he moves, he never seems to have any rattle snakes does he?

Tell him Frogs are better than snakes

Hell, tell him slugs are better than those stupid snakes

Ask how he went to the bathroom when the 3rd sealed his arms

Laugh at him because he almost got his ass handed to him by someone way older than him (3rd)

Laugh at him again because he got his ass handed to him by someone like 4 times younger than him (Emo boy)

Inform him that Netherland is closed

Tell him that MJ is doing a better job than him

Tell him that you bet Sasuke would prefer MJ

Tell him Itachi is prettier than him


	10. Sakura

**Sakura**

Call her pinky

Tell her that her hair looks stupid

Tell her Sasuke hates pink

Constantly compare her to Ino, obviously exaggerating how cool Ino is

Tell her she's a lousy medic-nin

Call her a slut

When she asks why, direct her to her FF results and tell her to look at how many people she's paired with

Insult Sasuke

Tell her Naruto is way better than Sasuke

Call her useless

Inform her of just **why** Orochimaru wanted Sasuke

Call her a fan girl

Inform her that SasuNaru is more popular than SasuSaku

Call her flat-chested

Tell her Sasori was a little girls doll, how dare she damage him

Congratulate her on finally being useful (In shippuuden)

Dye her hair blonde and laugh saying she looks like Ino

Ask her why her hairs pink

Tell her that her outfit clashes with her hair

Call her a 'pink hulk'

Follow her around every where, when she asks you what you are doing scream "Dattebayo" in her face

Play U.G.L.Y every time she walks past

Tell Naruto that she needs a man, and she has a fetish for foxes


	11. Tsunade

**Tsunade**

Hide her sake

Replace her sake with water

Comment on her real age

Tell Naruto that she's looking for him

Give Jiraiya naked pictures of her

Give her face on the Hokage mountain wrinkles

Laugh every time she turns around

Dress like her and put a pair of melons down your top

Tell her she sucks at poker

Tell her sake is what makes her unlucky

Cook Tonton

Grass on her to Shizune

Tell her Orochimaru was always too cool for her

Tell her Jiraiya's cooler than her

Tell her that she should go to rehab

Call her an alcoholic

Tell her she has problems

Ask what the hidden meaning behind 'The legendary sucker' is

Tell her she slept with Jiraiya when she was drunk

Slowly pour her sake on the floor while counting your winnings from your latest bet with her

Get her to bet her life savings of sake

After she loses tell her that your going to go drink it all with Jiraiya

Rob one of her bra's and tell everybody in Konoha that it's their new symbol

Tell her Gaara does a better job than her, and he's like 4 times younger than her

Tell her the only reason she's in debt is because she was a lousy hooker

Play 'Ice Ice baby' whenever she walks through the village

Ask her when the last time she saw her feet was

Begin a war, just to give her more paper work

When she's in an important meeting with the council, just as she sits down – scream "OMG SHE SAT ON TONTON, YOU BASTARD!"

Spread the rumour that she's really Shizune's bitch


	12. Zetsu

**Zetsu**

Ask if he pollinates

Ask if he uses Miracle grow as Viagra

Tell him he'd look better as a Daisy

Inform him that it 'doesn't matter if your black or white' (A song by MJ – Ironic, ne?)

Ask if he needs to be watered

Tell him Bill and Ben the flower pot men are way cooler than him

Make him watch a gardening show

Put weed killer in his febreeze bottle

Tell him he has no Fan girls

Tell him he has no Fan boys

Inform him that even Orochimaru has his fan boys and girls

Run around screaming your head off, when he asks you why you're screaming simply state "DUDE I totally just realised you're a plant!"

Ask if he's related to any vegetables

Poke him with a stick repeatedly while humming a random tune

Ask if he has a girlfriend

Ask if he has a boyfriend

When he replies 'no' to both of the above, ask if he dry humps plants

When he denies it tell him you saw him and that rose bush the other night

While your on the computer, search 'plant' on google

Once you have done the above, call him over asking him if he's related to any of the plants

Call him broccoli from now on


	13. Gaara

**Gaara**

Ask him about his father

Ask him about his mother

Ask if you can play in his _Sandbox_ with him

Ask if he gets sand in his underwear

Tell him he sucks at making sand castles

Eat all of his cookies

Laugh and tell him that he got beat by a giant cookie dough bird (Read Deidara's one)

Stalk him, when he asks you what you are doing – tell him he needs to return to the Zoo

Ask him about his childhood

Graffiti his gourd

When he next uses desert coffin, suddenly appear and tell him that making the sand do all the work for him is cheating

Tell him he has no eyebrows, as if you've just realised

Ask if you can borrow his mascara

Ask why it's his **sister** that is the only one in his family that **doesn't **seem to use make-up?

Call him Racoon-chan

Tell him you know of many things that his 'One tailed beast' can do to you

Ask if you can borrow some of his sand for Kitty litter

Dress exactly the same as him and exclaim that he stole your look

Dress him up as Lee

Fuzzy eye brows and all (Make sure you use a squirrel for each eyebrow)

Lick the end of his nose

Every day

Till he kills you

Ask where he keeps his teddy bear

Tell him you took his sisters virginity

Tell him you took his brothers virginity

Tell him you took **his** virginity

Crack a ginger joke every minute


	14. Hidan

**Hidan**

Tell him his religion is stupid

Dare him not to swear for a day

Hide his hair gel

Accuse him of undressing you with his eyes whenever he looks at you

Stroke his cheek

Tell him Kakuzu hates him

Tell him Tobi scares you more than he does

Call him the weakest member of Akatsuki

Whenever he walks in to a room play 'Thriller'

Tell him to get his scythe out of his ass and get a new religion

Tell him Kakuzu has been selling his organs every time he 'dies'

Inform him that every time he gets drunk, kakuzu sells his body to Orochimaru

Ask him if he's ever been laid

Scream "OH MY GOD" in his face

Cluck every time he tries to speak

Poke him excessively 

Dye his hair pink

Having done the above, laugh at him and tell him you can't take him seriously

Lock him in a room with Tobi

Tell him Orochimaru is just as immortal as him

Ask him if the size of his scythe compensates for something


	15. Ino

**Ino**

Call her fat

Tell her she forgot to flush her sick down the toilet

Comment on how she looks like Deidara

Inform everyone that she is wearing 'granny pants'

Tell everyone that she doesn't wear anything under those bandages

Tell her you prefer pink hair to blonde

Say her outfit was 'so last year'

Tread on every plant you see

Tell her that Sakura owns her

Call her 'pig'

Ask if she realises that her name means pig

Tell her purple doesn't suit her

Tell her that Sasuke always thought she was a lesbian

Chew on the ends of her hair

Point out everything you see that resembles a pig

Ask if she's Tonton's sister

Tell her to be careful around Chouji, he might eat her

Call her anorexic

Dye her hair pink

Tie dye all her clothes

Tell her she could be a good director with those hand signs she uses

Flick her nose every time she even thinks about complaining

Tell her that it would probably help if she could see through both of her eyes, instead of just hiding one with her hair

Tell her Naruto looks more like a Ninja

Tell her Naruto's a better ninja

Steal all of her bandages

Cut her hair

Shoot her ass with a BB gun, then hide

Repeat the above every time she turns back to whatever she was doing

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**Who else do you guys want me to annoy? Just tell me in a review :)**

**Working on Gai's atm!**


	16. Gai

**Gai**

Tell him he is un-youthful

Tell him Kakashi's cooler than him

Insult youth

Shave his eyebrows

Glue his hair in spikes

Burn all his spandex's

Insult Taijutsu

Insult Lee

Tell him Orochimaru's youthful

Dye his hair white

Glue a mask to his face

Glue his forehead protector across his eye

Dye all of his spandex's grey and black

We have a new un-youthful Kakashi 

Ban him from saying youth for a day

Tell him youth isn't a word

Call him Emo

Shrink all of is spandex suits

Actually I don't think the above is a good idea, he might still wear it.. (Puke)

Oh god, mental images. (Dies)


	17. Iruka

**Iruka**

Ask if he enjoys being Kakashi's Uke in practically every Fanfiction made about them

Call him 'Dolphin'

Ask how he got the scar on his nose

Ask if he's ever going to do anything useful in Naruto

Tell him Kakashi's cooler

Tell Anko where he is

Give him biscuits shaped like Naruto

Dress him like Naruto

Draw a scar across your nose and imitate his every movement

Tell Naruto that he said he'd treat him to ramen

Get a rubber and try to rub off the scar on his nose

When it doesn't come off, get a penny and try to scratch it off

When he says 'Ow' complain about never winning anything on damn scratch cards

Pull his hair out

Tell him Shikamaru's ponytail is better

Ask about his family

Ask him the most retarded questions you can think of

When he finally gets annoyed and tells you to stop doing the above, cry and scream about him being just like Orochimaru

Ater doing the above, get away quickly – avoiding the ass kicking

Stick a sign to his back saying "Uke for Rent"

Walk up to him, when you're a mere inch from his face – put a shocked expression on your face then scream "FAN-GIRLS"

Watch the poor bugger run. .

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**o.0 This new document thing got me all confused, lol**

**Anyways, requests taken! :)**


	18. Pein

**May contain spoilers for those of you not up-to-date with the manga. :D**

Thanks for all your reviews! Remember to tell me who you want me to annoy next.

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**Pein**

Ask him if his face rusts

Ask him if Konan wears the pants in their relationship

Tell him the choice of name for his 'oh-so-evil' organization kinda sucks

Tell him whoever designed their 'oh-so-evil' cloak needs to be shot

Ask him what he keeps hidden in his cloak

Ask him why there's only one woman within his organization

Ask if he whistles through his nose when he takes his piercing out

Inform him that the Teletubies are more intimidating than him and his group

Ask if he has to feed Kisame fish or fish food

Ask him how he keeps his hair that spiky

Tell him Sharingan is better than Rinnegan (Sp?)

Ask him if he's Konan's bitch

Make him walk through a metal detector

Attach a rather powerful magnet to Itachi

After the above laugh your ass off at the position they are in :D

Ask him how his childhood was

Make obscene noises every time he tries to talk

Inform him that the power ranger's outfits were cooler

Tell him your Nan thinks he should be more respectful to his elders, especially his teachers.

Tell him Naruto's clones are cooler, even though their not. (I know there kinda not really clones but… Yeh.)

Ask him if he gets a paper cut when he and Konan get intimate

Ask if you can 'have a go' at Konan, just for experimental purposes of course.

Sing "I'm dancing in the rain" whenever he attempts a jutsu

Throw magnetic darts at his face


	19. Shikamaru

**Thanks for all your reviews, i love you guys!**

Remember to request who you want me to annoy next.

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Shikamaru

Move him to England so he can't enjoy his clouds as much

Tell Temari he called her fat

Tell Ino he called her fat

Tell Chouji he called him fat

Send him on an extremely long mission to Amegakure (Hidden village of _rain_)

Do the above and tell him he's sending Naruto with him

Tell Gaara that he keeps hitting on Temari

Bite his head, when he asks you what you're doing – tell him you like pineapples

Dig up Hidan and take him to Shikamaru in a bag, exclaiming "Look what I found!"

Call _him_ troublesome

Every time he says troublesome, show him a naked picture of Gai

Tell his mum he called her troublesome

Talk to him when he's trying to cloud watch

Hide all of his hair ties

When in the presence of him, Ino and Temari, ask him which girl he finds more attractive.

When playing shogi with him, eat a piece every time he looks at the clouds.

Lick his cheek every time he says 'troublesome'

Flick his nose every time he sighs

Break in to dance when ever he tried to say something serious

Sell naked pictures of him to Ino and Temari

Sell his clothes to his fan girls, leaving him with only underwear left

Glue deer antlers to his head while he sleeps

Ask him if he wants to go deer hunting

Give him a huge jigsaw with 1 piece missing, when he's almost done – inform him that you ate the last piece…

If he says 'troublesome' at the above, tell him he can simply wait till the next time you go to the bathroom

If he cuts you off while your saying the above, act hurt and tell him that your going to go complain about his rudeness to Ino and Temari


	20. Temari

Temari

Cut holes in her fan

Tell her Shikamaru prefers Ino

Call her fat

Tell her she has man arms

Call her a cradle snatcher

Ask her if she opens her fan for anyone

Tell everyone the only reason she carries that fan around is because she has bad wind

Ask about her childhood relationship with Gaara

Moo every time she tries to talk

Ask how she keeps the sand out of her underwear

Ask if she's ever had a different hairstyle

Brag about having seen Shikamaru naked

When she asks when/where, tell her 'every night, it's kinda hard to do what we do clothed you know'

Ask if her little brother has sorted out his inner demon (Terrible pun, I know)

Casually drop in to the conversation that you think Ino is getting more screen time than her in Shippuuden

Analyse her family as if you are a therapist, using the names 'Grown man who plays with dolls', 'Psychotic cookie monster' and 'Psycho bitch who loves younger boys'

Inform her that her 'Younger guy' fetish is somewhat reminiscent of Michael Jackson

Tell her Shikamaru is next on MJ's list

Cut all of her hair, styling it like Shikamaru's

After the above, tattoo 'troublesome' on her forehead much like Gaara's tattoo

Having done that, drop her off in a box at Shikamaru's without her fan.

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**Pls don't flame, i love the Sand sibs and Shikamaru! lol**

**Remember to review and tell me who you want me to annoy next.**


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